Pen is mightier than the
sword
Words, both in written as
well as verbal communication can give us oceans of information.
Even the unsaid nuances
can also say a lot about a person. The hesitation, the evasiveness and the way
one speaks, everything as a whole combination can convey meaning and help us
understand people. We all can make an attempt at understanding what people are
saying without words, not only will that help us in understanding someone's inner
motive but also it can heal our relationships and make them better. This is not
the same as mind reading (Actually, there is no such thing as mind reading, we
only end up assuming things about the other person which are filtered through
our biases and limited understanding)
The power of words and
the impact it has on people can make or break lives.
Words can harm us when
spoken at the wrong time and when we are especially feeling vulnerable.
When you give your heart
to someone special and serve it on a silver platter and you are in a vulnerable
position, imagine someone stomping on your heart and rejecting it. "It's
nothing personal", "it's not you, it's me".
Or if you are in the
field of academia, the feeling of inadequacy or self-doubt would seem very
familiar. The submission and re-submissions or papers can really break
someone's spirit. The initial passion often gets rejected over and
over again till the time, you accept that, it's okay not to expect much. Forget
about getting praised for your efforts, but imagine getting negative feedback
after negative feedback upon submitting your best work.
This cycle can really
breed self-doubt amongst even the best and the most stalwarts and stellar
performers. They may be successful in the eyes of the world but still a fool in
front of their research guides.
Often after listening to
constant criticisms, you begin to internalize those voices and cause internal
suffering to yourself.
This is how words can
have a harmful impact on you.
I am not going to suggest
tips on how you can fix this situation, because all of us are different and
what works for me may be different from what works for you. Often having the
realization about the impact of (perceived negative) words is enough. (For us
to understand from where the root of our problem is situated/located/lies)
Words can heal/ soothe
people too. If words are the culprit, then they can help too.
We are often dumbfounded
and are speechless when we have to talk to someone who has experienced the loss
of a loved one.
Following is a list by
David Kessler (an author who has worked extensively on grief), which I have compiled for you, if you are experiencing the same
speechlessness. Using these words and not using some of these phrases can help
you deal with one of the trickiest situations that we all are going to face in
our lives.
The Worst Things to Say
to Someone in Grief
- At least she lived a long life, many
people die young.
- He is in a better place.
- She brought this on herself.
- There is a reason for everything.
- Aren’t you over him yet, he has been
dead for a while now.
- You can have another child still.
- She was such a good person God wanted
her to be with him.
- I know how you feel.
- She did what she came here to do and
it was her time to go.
- Be strong.
The Best Things to Say to Someone in Grief
1. I am so sorry for your loss.2. I wish I had the right words, just know I care.
3. I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in any way I can.
4. You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers.
5. My favourite memory of your loved one is….
6. I am always just a phone call away.
7. Give a hug instead of saying something.
8. We all need help at times like this, I am here for you.
9. I am usually up early or late, if you need anything.
10. Saying nothing, just be with the person.
Most of us fight and resist loss throughout our lives,
not understanding that life is loss and loss is life; life cannot change and we
cannot grow without loss. There's an old Jewish saying that if you dance at a
lot of weddings, you'll cry at a lot of funerals. This means that if you are
present at many beginnings, you'll also be there for many endings. If you have
many friends, you will experience your share of losses.
If you feel that you are suffering great loss, it's only
because you have been so richly blessed by life.
The love you have felt and the love you have given cannot
be lost.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes
only. It is not a substitute for professional or psychological advice,
diagnosis, or treatment. Always contact your
qualified health provider before implementing or modifying any
personal growth or wellness program or technique, and with any questions about
your well-being.
REFERENCES
Healyourlife.com.
(2018). 10 Best Things to Say to Someone in Grief. [Online]
Available at: https://www.healyourlife.com/10-best-things-to-say-to-someone-in-grief
[Accessed 26 Dec. 2018].
Kübler-Ross,
E. and Kessler, D. (2000). Life lessons. New York: Scribner.