Saturday, December 26, 2015

How to stop taking things so personally.

Whenever I have any trouble, my first instinct is to run to Mr. Google J. It’s safe, anonymous, knows all my doubts and most importantly it won’t judge.

But there was one problem that I thought Google wasn’t able to answer properly.

So I decided to write about this. I have plenty of experiences in fact, it’s one of the biggest problems I suffer to this date. Here are my top five solutions which helped me move forward.

1)      Identify your Triggers- Everybody has their unique triggers, some people don’t like to be fat/body shamed, if someone calls us fat then they’re gone because what essentially is happening is that we have a tendency to over react to that situation due to some of our past wounds getting unblocked. You may also be triggered by anything you were ever bullied for in the past. The only way out is finding what caused you the trauma. Often finding what happened can be enough to know that it happened only because you weren’t emotionally the person you are today. Today you’re stronger, braver and have a choice.

2)      Think objectively, fairly & rationally when you’re feeling targeted- When we feel targeted, our emotions are overwhelming & we behave irrationally. To think rationally, my personal trick is – Divergent Thinking, whenever I think about too many intricate, complex thoughts- I switch to Maths! I start solving basic mathematics questions (not only a great confidence boost but also it puts your brain into thinking rationally, which helps to find the solution to your emotional problem). Reason being - the left brain works & thinking creatively (problem solving) is a function of both left and right brains.                        
      For those bored with doing Maths on a daily basis, switch to right-brained activities, like poetry, singing, dancing, cooking etcetera. Do whatever is different from your daily routine and you’ll find that once you change your thought process, your thoughts about your problem too will undergo transformation. 
3)      When another person makes you suffer , it is because he suffers deeply within himself , and his suffering is spilling over- Thich Nhat Hahn                                    
      Do not take things personally because often ( though not always ) people project their own lack onto us. For instance, a short example would be if someone accuses you of ( let’s say ) stealing sugar when you’re not stealing, it maybe because they’re stealing and are afraid that you too will steal just like them & in order to hide the attempt ( unconsciously )  put the blame on you. (The concept of projection can be applied to other extreme examples like jealousy in relationships.)
4)      Be Empathetic-I know that people who take things to heart are usually sensitive people & are empathetic by nature but sometimes when our emotions are involved we tend to internalize our empathetic side and end up nursing ourselves instead of understanding the viewpoint of others involved.                                                                                                               
      So when you’re taking things personally and are suffering beyond comprehension , step aside and then switch perspectives ,think from the viewpoint of your ‘supposed’ wrong-doer & understand that they’ve done the best they could have done ( given their mental frame and circumstances, which you’re not even aware of ,so they deserve the extra benefit of doubt , don’t they ?).
5)      Respond but do not react- Almost all the points I’ve mentioned earlier involve some kind of introspection. The ideal case scenario would be if you meditate but I understand that wouldn’t be a logical explanation when you’re experiencing the hurt and are in the heat of the moment.                                                                                                                                               
      So next time you’re faced with a scenario which demands your negative reaction, reply with humor (it almost always works). If someone criticizes your work, reply politely because you never know if someone is just giving you constructive criticism which can benefit you & besides it would be awkward if you cry when someone tells you to give better presentations. ;-)                                                                 A Bonus Point because you’re reading till the end J
6)      Self-Awareness- All being said and done, but hey! Why did you feel bad in the first place? Why did you get defensive?                                                                                                              
      It all leads to one thing (if you turn it around & that is self-awareness).What does it tell about you? That you're giving your power away to people way too easily.                                   
      You do not have to tolerate nuisance from other people. Set healthy boundaries, get to know yourself better & establish limits (don’t just give, give & give or take, take & take) Have a reciprocal, mutual, trustworthy relationship with others. And trust yourself too. J

So the next time, somebody makes a remark about you? – Like you look fat/tired/unprepared/ or are a miser/ pathetic looking / or are rejected for job or love.                       
  Ask yourself -> are you really that person (only you know it in your heart), let go of your faulty belief system. (In case, you’re still in doubt)
Once you are self-aware, nobody can harm you. J

My love to every person whoever is reading. A very Happy New Year 2016 J in advance.