Monday, December 26, 2016

The sun must set to rise

New year resolutions…Resolutions are hard to keep, I have never been able to keep them, so at the beginning of this year, I decided to keep a vague new year resolution, vague as in a statement, a phrase that will run at the back of my mind, so my NY resolution for the year 2016 was 'loving myself, no matter what'
Oh boy! Little did I know, that the year which was to follow would be a difficult one.
And what does a difficult year teach us? Life lessons ;) :D :P

Speaking of which, the first lesson I learned this year:-
1) Positivity Offset- It means that positive experiences are actually more frequent than negative. There's scientific evidence to show that the distribution of good and bad events in people's lives, for the most part, favors the good.

So, just take notice of the positive events that are already there, it might not be about changing anything, but just noticing and appreciating things that are there. :D

2) Detours are not dead-ends- For a long time, I felt my life was going nowhere, that I had lost direction and was unable to see the distant future. Then as clich├ęd as it sounds, I realised that when you are lost, you really can create a new path for yourself. Everybody is on a unique journey with nobody to compare. So who decides, which paths are dead-ends?

“She initially started making YouTube videos to help her with her depression. While she had been busy toiling away at her undergraduate degree in Psychology & pondering a career in counselling, she decided to try her hand at YouTube. Hits quickly started flowing in and her mood lifted." Today she is the third highest -paid YouTube star of 2016, she is none other than Lilly Singh (|| superwoman ||).
 Inspirational isn't it?
Ultimately, there are no dead-ends just detours and every path is the right path, because it turned you into the person you are today & who you needed to become :) it's not about the destination, in fact, it is just about getting lost in the journey.
3) Acceptance, surrender, and letting go- Surrendering removes blocks and the exhaustion that comes from trying too hard and it helps you achieve goals more effortlessly. Though surrender is often considered counter-intuitive to success- it's wrongly associated with weakness and defeat- it can make you more powerful, intuitive, spiritually connected, uninhibited and ecstatically in the flow.
4) Experiencing Resilience- The positive emotions that we experience may seem fleeting and temporary, but they enable and build resilience in the long run. Resilience is like a muscle and it can grow when you experience positive emotions. Remember when you are going through a particularly hard time, there is always something you can change about your situation and if there is nothing you can do, then why worry? :D
5) When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and make everyone wonder how you did it :p - To be honest, the real motivation to grow develops from adversity, failure builds character and acts as a fire which is ignited to convert pain into efforts. All that is great, but all motivation ends once the goal is reached.So, let go of the outcome, forget 5-year plans - no seriously, does life ever happen according to your plans? And have the courage to be true to yourself and don't live the life others expect you to live, express your feelings, stay in touch with your friends and lastly let yourself be happy. (Always, because you deserve it ;))

REFERENCES

1) Fredrickson B. (2009) Ten positive emotions. Retrieved from :- https://www.coursera.org/learn/positive-psychology/lecture/JqaAf/ten-positive-emotions
2) Oppenheim M. (2016). Lilly Singh: How a 28 year old Canadian rapped and vlogged her way into the You Tuber's millionaire's club. Retrieved from :-https://www.google.co.in/amp/www.independent.co.uk/news/people/lilly-singh-youtube-highest-paid-richest-forbes-list-2016-a7458441.html%3Famp
3)Orloff J. (2014). The Ecstasy of Surrender. Retrieved from:-https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-ecstasy-surrender

Saturday, December 26, 2015

How to stop taking things so personally.

Whenever I have any trouble, my first instinct is to run to Mr. Google J. It’s safe, anonymous, knows all my doubts and most importantly it won’t judge.

But there was one problem that I thought Google wasn’t able to answer properly.

So I decided to write about this. I have plenty of experiences in fact, it’s one of the biggest problems I suffer to this date. Here are my top five solutions which helped me move forward.

1)      Identify your Triggers- Everybody has their unique triggers, some people don’t like to be fat/body shamed, if someone calls us fat then they’re gone because what essentially is happening is that we have a tendency to over react to that situation due to some of our past wounds getting unblocked. You may also be triggered by anything you were ever bullied for in the past. The only way out is finding what caused you the trauma. Often finding what happened can be enough to know that it happened only because you weren’t emotionally the person you are today. Today you’re stronger, braver and have a choice.

2)      Think objectively, fairly & rationally when you’re feeling targeted- When we feel targeted, our emotions are overwhelming & we behave irrationally. To think rationally, my personal trick is – Divergent Thinking, whenever I think about too many intricate, complex thoughts- I switch to Maths! I start solving basic mathematics questions (not only a great confidence boost but also it puts your brain into thinking rationally, which helps to find the solution to your emotional problem). Reason being - the left brain works & thinking creatively (problem solving) is a function of both left and right brains.                        
      For those bored with doing Maths on a daily basis, switch to right-brained activities, like poetry, singing, dancing, cooking etcetera. Do whatever is different from your daily routine and you’ll find that once you change your thought process, your thoughts about your problem too will undergo transformation. 
3)      When another person makes you suffer , it is because he suffers deeply within himself , and his suffering is spilling over- Thich Nhat Hahn                                    
      Do not take things personally because often ( though not always ) people project their own lack onto us. For instance, a short example would be if someone accuses you of ( let’s say ) stealing sugar when you’re not stealing, it maybe because they’re stealing and are afraid that you too will steal just like them & in order to hide the attempt ( unconsciously )  put the blame on you. (The concept of projection can be applied to other extreme examples like jealousy in relationships.)
4)      Be Empathetic-I know that people who take things to heart are usually sensitive people & are empathetic by nature but sometimes when our emotions are involved we tend to internalize our empathetic side and end up nursing ourselves instead of understanding the viewpoint of others involved.                                                                                                               
      So when you’re taking things personally and are suffering beyond comprehension , step aside and then switch perspectives ,think from the viewpoint of your ‘supposed’ wrong-doer & understand that they’ve done the best they could have done ( given their mental frame and circumstances, which you’re not even aware of ,so they deserve the extra benefit of doubt , don’t they ?).
5)      Respond but do not react- Almost all the points I’ve mentioned earlier involve some kind of introspection. The ideal case scenario would be if you meditate but I understand that wouldn’t be a logical explanation when you’re experiencing the hurt and are in the heat of the moment.                                                                                                                                               
      So next time you’re faced with a scenario which demands your negative reaction, reply with humor (it almost always works). If someone criticizes your work, reply politely because you never know if someone is just giving you constructive criticism which can benefit you & besides it would be awkward if you cry when someone tells you to give better presentations. ;-)                                                                 A Bonus Point because you’re reading till the end J
6)      Self-Awareness- All being said and done, but hey! Why did you feel bad in the first place? Why did you get defensive?                                                                                                              
      It all leads to one thing (if you turn it around & that is self-awareness).What does it tell about you? That you're giving your power away to people way too easily.                                   
      You do not have to tolerate nuisance from other people. Set healthy boundaries, get to know yourself better & establish limits (don’t just give, give & give or take, take & take) Have a reciprocal, mutual, trustworthy relationship with others. And trust yourself too. J

So the next time, somebody makes a remark about you? – Like you look fat/tired/unprepared/ or are a miser/ pathetic looking / or are rejected for job or love.                       
  Ask yourself -> are you really that person (only you know it in your heart), let go of your faulty belief system. (In case, you’re still in doubt)
&
Once you are self-aware, nobody can harm you. J


My love to every person whoever is reading. A very Happy New Year 2016 J in advance. 

Friday, December 26, 2014

Life In Rosy Hues: 20 Things to do before you turn twenty

Life In Rosy Hues: 20 Things to do before you turn twenty: Turning 20 is almost like the end of an era ... the end of your teenage years... But luckily they ended after I could complete my bucket...

20 Things to do before you turn twenty


Turning 20 is almost like the end of an era ...
the end of your teenage years...
But luckily they ended after I could complete my bucket list.
Turning 20 means different things to different people, but few things which are common to all is that you become 'a solo bird' and form your 'individual identity' (and if you are lucky,you end up liking who you are becoming :-) )
p.s.-And here it is my Bucket List ...


  1. Learn how to ride a bicycle ( I know it's basic ,but if you know how to ride it ,give yourself a thumbs up. (y) ! )
  2. April fool someone every year :) (Make it grander & better each time).
  3. Exercise                                                                                                                                            Your body isn't going to stay 18 forever and trust me endorphins do make you really happy. :-)                                                        
  4. Join Yoga                                                                                                                                        And don't miss the laughing therapy. :-)
  5. Trying the one food that has always grossed you out                                                    (Like the epic Baingan ka Bharta or Amla ka Morabba,anything you loathe.)
  6. Travel ! ( Alone :-D )                                                                                                         Discover places you've never been before, celebrate nature and experience Vitamin D. ;-) 
  7. Learning how much you can do when you cut out all distractions                    (Welcome to girls college :-D)
  8. Buying yourself a pizza and eating it alone                                                                     It's fun :-D
  9. Research your family tree                                                                                           (Google your surname history, you never know if you turn out to be the last son of the lost king, jk :-) )
  10. Throwing a surprise party for someone you care about. <3
  11. Learning to say ILY to your friends ...                                                                           (It's more difficult than you think ! )
  12. Feeling like you've found a soul mate                                                                                 (For me it's you Sakshi Mehla <3)
  13. Overcoming at least one big fear...                                                                                      (Fear of public speaking ? ... go to the stage and sing even if you've been asked to deliver a speech) or in my case, singing for an interview ;-)
  14. Writing a love letter to yourself                                                                                             Write all your great qualities to yourself, years later when you open it, you remember all your greatest traits and feel incredibly good.
  15. Start a journal                                                                                                                         Your diary writing habit is going to pay you off in the long run... ( For me it's ...5 years of diary writing and still many more years to come.)                                                                                                                  
  16. Learn a foreign language                                                                                                     (Or any language or at least it's basics) you have apps,dictionaries and of course the internet for learning any new language.
  17. Vote                                                                                                                                                    Hey! you are older than 18 and you haven't exercised your voting power yet? (Jaago jaago jaago re! and no I am not advertising Tata Tea.)
  18. Do something non-conforming/setting a different kind of goal                           Go beyond your comfort zone,give more than you've been asked for,complete a job you hate and persist. (If you can do,any one of the above four ,people are going to remember you for a long time <3)
  19. Fall in love <3                                                                                                                                                                                                
    I'd summarise this point with the song, 'SENORITA'..."Chahat ke do pal bhi,mil paaye duniya mein yeh bhi kam hai kya."
  20. Start a Blog                                                                                                                              Back to square one! Do this and share your bucket list with us. :-)                                               Hope you enjoyed!